Purpose.

Loved.

Heart.

Sunday.

I don't know how to feel tonight. I'm emotionally drained after spending the majority of this week arguing with my partner. And now I'm so tired.

Brick Wall.

I'm so close to giving up.
It's like me versus a brick wall.
There's only one winner there. Pretty obvious who it is too.

Heaven.

Waking Up.

A Little Insight.

I'm going to tell you something very personal. A little insight into my feelings, thoughts, and perhaps processes too.

In June last year, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. I laughed it off initially thinking he was mucking around but then he told me he wasn't joking. He looked at me with serious eyes and told me the proposal was serious. I was so happy. I'd never been happier than I was at that moment. Everything was perfect.
My boyfriend wanted to marry me.

I had told him I'd prefer to get a ring before telling everybody. And he agreed with that. I did tell a few of my closest friends. I just couldn't keep it to myself. I wanted to tell everyone, but there was just the issue of the ring. So I shared my happiness and excitement with them and they all eagerly awaited the official announcement.

Weeks went by and I questioned him as to when he was going to get a ring. That question led to a massive fight somehow. It came back to me being in trouble about not wanting to tell everybody about it without the ring. All of a sudden I had made it all about the ring when I asked him about looking for one.

And just like that he took it back.
His proposal of marriage. He took it back.
Told me it wasn't what he wanted.
He didn't mean it when he asked.

I'd lived in some imaginary floating on air world for a month or so. Thinking how exciting this would all be. Being engaged, eventually planning a wedding.

But my boyfriend took it all back.
We were back to being boyfriend and girlfriend in a matter of seconds.
It hurt like crazy. I actually felt like I would rip apart at any given second. The anger and hurt consumed me. I wasn't even good enough to be his fiancé.

My friends begun questioning me about engagement things and I knew I'd had to break it too them sometime. They consoled me and said he'd just gotten scared. We'd be back to bring engaged in no time.

A year and a bit on and there's no engagement. Just promises of it 'being soon' and getting nothing. Just boyfriend and girlfriend. And I can't even begin to describe the amount of hurt I feel.

I was so happy. I had everything I wanted and it got ripped away.

I'm forever going to be the girl whose boyfriend fake proposed to her one night and led her on thinking it was real when he never even meant it.

Thursday II.

I want to be with you.
I wish you were so much closer.

Limbs.

Thursday.

And I wish you wanted me at least half as much as I want you.
Especially when I need you so bad.

Kitty Kisses.

A Kiss On The Lips.

Indescribable Feelings.

L.

L is for the way you look at me.

O.

O is for the only one I see.

V.

V is very, very extraordinary.

E.

E is even more than anyone that you adore.

Dear Pruedence.

The sun is up, the sky is blue. It's beautiful, and so are you.

Limitless, Undying Love.

Phone Blogging.

I just realised I can blog off my phone on the blogger app. I don't know if it's been out forever and I've just been hiding under an apps rock.. But I'm excited because I don't use my computer much anymore (which is mainly why I don't blog as much) and I can kinda write as I go about doing my thing.

How's everything with you guys?
Do you have the blogger app?

Pursuit.

Warm Notes.

Measure.

Couple Therapy: Lovers Edition.

PenPal.

Anyone up for being my penpal? Seriously?
How cute would that be?

Feel.

I just feel like curling up next to your body,
I want to feel you breathe.
I want to feel you.

Love Me Tender.

Love Me Sweet.

Never Let Me Go.

You Have Made My Life Complete.

And I Love You So.

Closeness.

There is something so very homely about falling asleep with someone you love.

It's like being wrapped in a rug by the fireplace,

And eating a freshly baked apple pie that fills the whole room with its glorious scent,

Scooping on extra piles of vanilla icecream,

Dusts of cinnamon.

Other than really wanting an apple pie right now,

That's how falling asleep so close to someone's body feels,

You hear their slowing breath,

Their arms loosen around you,

Their heartbeat pulsate through their chest,

Their tired voice whisper I love you.

There is nothing quite as sugary sweet as having a body entwined in to yours.

Especially when you love them with every atom of your being.

It makes for a delightful sleep.

Break On Through.

Break on through,
To the other side.

Love Is All You Need?

I sit here finding myself curious about love,
like always.
How do we know what it is? Does it have a unique or universal feeling? What happens if we mistake it for something else? What happens if it's just some social construct that we bury ourselves in?

As much as I believe that all we need is love, I find myself believing that we need a lot more than that in reality.

Make & Take.

All The Words.

It's just hit me. Cancer. Fucking cancer.

Marriage.

I've been in a relationship for 6 years now,

And despite all my best efforts, my partner still seems hesitant to get engaged.

I don't even know if I want to be married at this point in time,

But I feel useless. I mean, he doesn't even want to marry me. I'm too pushy, I'm too young, I don't have enough money, I don't have this, I don't have that.

i have love though, but that isn't enough.

i have so much love.

this isn't much of a post, but I just wanted to get it out there. Not that he reads anything I post here.

OK.

Pretending.

Have you ever felt like smiling because it's so, so much easier than explaining to someone what is wrong?

Is pretending to feel happy so wrong anyway?

Cute Thing For Today.

Moments.

It's crazy how a month can feel like a year.
I wish I knew a fairy, or a genie, and I could wish it all away.
It just sucks, you know.
When someone that you love so much, gets sick, and you don't know what to do.
It shakes up your world. That one moment.
That one fucking moment when you hear something you don't want to hear.
You get a different perspective on things. Your eyes all of a sudden have a new view.
Your love feels different.
Your life feels different,
You feel different.
All because of these moments. These fucking moments.

Two Sides.

Get Away.

What I wouldn't give?

Stayin' Strong.

I'm sorry for my slight absence, there is a reason for it. Sometime last week, my boyfriend got a health scare.
And since then we've been sorting all of it out.
It's scary,
And I'm not sure what will all happen. We're taking it all a day at a time.
And to be honest, I'm not sure if I have the energy to blog about love and romance with everything that is going on.
But I'll be back soon.

Sweet.

Your lips,

Your sweet, sweet, sweet lips.