A Little Insight.

I'm going to tell you something very personal. A little insight into my feelings, thoughts, and perhaps processes too.

In June last year, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. I laughed it off initially thinking he was mucking around but then he told me he wasn't joking. He looked at me with serious eyes and told me the proposal was serious. I was so happy. I'd never been happier than I was at that moment. Everything was perfect.
My boyfriend wanted to marry me.

I had told him I'd prefer to get a ring before telling everybody. And he agreed with that. I did tell a few of my closest friends. I just couldn't keep it to myself. I wanted to tell everyone, but there was just the issue of the ring. So I shared my happiness and excitement with them and they all eagerly awaited the official announcement.

Weeks went by and I questioned him as to when he was going to get a ring. That question led to a massive fight somehow. It came back to me being in trouble about not wanting to tell everybody about it without the ring. All of a sudden I had made it all about the ring when I asked him about looking for one.

And just like that he took it back.
His proposal of marriage. He took it back.
Told me it wasn't what he wanted.
He didn't mean it when he asked.

I'd lived in some imaginary floating on air world for a month or so. Thinking how exciting this would all be. Being engaged, eventually planning a wedding.

But my boyfriend took it all back.
We were back to being boyfriend and girlfriend in a matter of seconds.
It hurt like crazy. I actually felt like I would rip apart at any given second. The anger and hurt consumed me. I wasn't even good enough to be his fiancé.

My friends begun questioning me about engagement things and I knew I'd had to break it too them sometime. They consoled me and said he'd just gotten scared. We'd be back to bring engaged in no time.

A year and a bit on and there's no engagement. Just promises of it 'being soon' and getting nothing. Just boyfriend and girlfriend. And I can't even begin to describe the amount of hurt I feel.

I was so happy. I had everything I wanted and it got ripped away.

I'm forever going to be the girl whose boyfriend fake proposed to her one night and led her on thinking it was real when he never even meant it.