Monday, March 21, 2011
Today I am writing you my final letter. If you are reading this, it would be the 365th letter I have written since you departed from me exactly one year ago. You haven’t responded to any of my previous letters and, I have to think, that it means it was simply a summer fling. I’m still waiting for you. I want you to know. But I feel it’d be in both of our best interests for me to stop writing.
I have to think that the two of us being together would hold beautiful things. I believe it was meant for us and that, without each other, we are living mediocre lives. Remember when we first met? Remember how we were two birds in the ocean? We could have flown away together, you know. Or lived together in the house I’m building for the both of us. Nothing is in the past to me. Love knows no past tense. You either never loved or never stopped. And I, dearest Allie, never stopped.
The night we left each other, I heard your parents speaking about how we didn’t know love - how we were too young. But, Allie, what we had, was love. I can promise you that. No one in the world will ever be able to experience what we had. What we have. They will love, but not as whole-heartedly and selflessly. They won’t feel the stinging pain that occurs for every second you are apart from one another.
But, Allison, I am truly sorry for whatever it was that I have done to drive you away. I am sorry if it seemed I didn’t love you enough, but I can assure you that I loved you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I loved so much it hurt. Thank you for laying in the street with me, thank you for being a bird, thank you for loving me as much as I loved you, thank you for teaching me about life and love and companionship. I want you to know that I am grateful for the person you are and the person you shaped me to be. In everything I do, I will think of you. And I hope you’re thinking of me too. Smile at what we had and smile at who you are. Live everyday to its fullest and be genuinely happy. That is what I wish for you. Happiness.
I harbour no resentment towards you. I only have love and I wish the best things in the world for you. At the same time, I selfishly wish things could have ended on a different note. I am not bitter, nor am I angry. I find no fault in the decision you made because I can only see beautiful things when I look at you and only think beautiful thoughts about you and for you. Why? Because you are beautiful.
Love always, Noah Calhoun